i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
