seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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