I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
