new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
