watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Found your dick twin last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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