We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
