that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
