I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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