the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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