the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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