I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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