Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ttyl tear gas
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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