He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
