...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
