2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize