and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
