i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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