Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my poor anus
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
