are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
