I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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