forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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