So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
