big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
