I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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