One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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