My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
nutella sex= disaster
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
