Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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