Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
