I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
