I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
