peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
