When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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