this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
