What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
