I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
