i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize