The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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