I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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