If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
