There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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