she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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