we have officially lost it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
