Moan for me like Helen Keller
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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