I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
