it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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