i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
