Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
