holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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