All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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