I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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