I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
