it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
