I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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