i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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