I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
