I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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