It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
