Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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