how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
