I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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