There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
