I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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