"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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