The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
