he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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