Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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