We won't sleep together?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
