"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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