her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
