Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
