My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
