What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
