hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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