You can't motorboat a personality
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
